Friday, 28 November 2014

Just do it.. my first screening

All I can say, is that you can never prepare yourself for that helpless feeling of sending your film out into the world. Or at least that’s how I experienced it.

Recently I wrote and directed my first short film called "Heart Aspirations". More about the "making of", for another day. Thinking back on how much passion I poured into the short film, how determined I was to keep on going, regardless of all the setbacks, then this troubling thought of not wanting the world to see it, does not gel. This was the one thing I dreamed of for over 2 years. The one thing I drove everybody mad about. If I could just finish it... and now... now it’s done… now what's the problem. You would think that one would be over the moon with the mere thought of a finished product. But in fact - it was the opposite. You just want to crawl in a hole and hid yourself and “IT” from the world.

But this all changed when I forced myself to show it to my producer. Sweat was pouring off me while setting up the projector room and getting the popcorn ready for the screening. Eight more people joined in to watch me humiliate myself. Well strangely ….. during the course of the film I found myself kind of getting lost in the story and somehow forgot that I was doing the dreadful screening thing. Maybe that’s a good thing, I thought....

The only advice I can give after this experience is that, without trying, you will never know.  And that we simply have to follow the Richard Branson theory of "You are never going to be ready..  so just do it”. But I’ve realized it’s perfectly normal to not wanting to put it out there in the world and have reaction to it. That feeling of protecting this child that you raised with so much care and then expose it’s vulnerability. It was mine…  however there would come a time when you have to pass it on regardless of feelings or outcome.